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His detractors loved pointing out that since the courts had struck down almost all of his Wyoming initiatives, his legislative record was effectively nil. None of that seemed to matter to the people who continued to pay for his $500-a-plate fund-raisers (which, by the way, he called "grub-downs") and his $10,000 lecture fees and his $30 hardcover book, The Heart of a True American, loading up his "war chest," as the reporters liked to call it, for a "future presidential run, maybe."
And now the governor has been attacked! Though nobody seems to know how he's been attacked, what he's been attacked with, who he's been attacked by, or if the attack has injured him. News anchors speculate at the potential damage of taking a ball bearing or marble at high velocity right in the eye. They talk about this for a good ten minutes, with charts showing how a small mass traveling at close to sixty miles per hour could penetrate the eye's liquid membrane. When this topic wears itself out, they break for commercials. They promote their upcoming documentary on the ten-year anniversary of 9/11: Day of Terror, Decade of War. They wait.
Then something happens to save the news from the state of idleness into which it has drifted: The anchor reappears and announces that a bystander caught the whole spectacular thing on video and has now posted it online.
And so here is the video that's going to be shown several thousand times on television over the next week, that will collect millions of hits and become the third-most-watched internet clip this month behind the new music video from teen pop singing sensation Molly Miller for her single "You Have Got to Represent," and a family video of a toddler laughing until he falls over. Here is what happens:
The video begins in whiteness and wind, the sound of wind blowing over an exposed microphone, then fingers fumbling over and pressing into the mic to create seashell-like swooshing sounds as the camera adjusts its aperture to the bright day and the whiteness resolves to a blue sky, indistinct unfocused greenishness that is presumably grass, and then a voice, a man's voice loud and too close to the mic: "Is it on? I don't know if it's on."
The picture comes into focus just as the man points the camera at his own feet. He says in an annoyed and exasperated way, "Is this even on? How can you tell?" And then a woman's voice, calmer, melodious, peaceful, says, "You look at the back. What does it say on the back?" And her husband or boyfriend or whoever he is, who cannot manage to keep the picture steady, says "Would you just help me?" in this aggressive and accusatory way that's meant to communicate that whatever problem he's having with the camera is her responsibility. The video through all this is a jumpy, dizzying close-up of the man's shoes. Puffy white high-tops. Extraordinarily white and new-looking. He seems to be standing on top of a picnic table. "What does it say on the back?" the woman asks.
"Where? What back?" "On the screen."
"I know that," he says. "Where on the screen?"
"In the bottom right corner," she says with perfect equanimity. "What does it say?"
"It says R."
"That means it's recording. It's on."
"That's stupid," he says. "Why doesn't it say On?"
The picture bobs between his shoes and what seems to be a crowd of people in the middle distance.
"There he is! Lookit! That's him! There he is!" the man shouts. He points the camera forward and, when he finally manages to keep it from trembling, Sheldon Packer comes into view, about thirty yards away and surrounded by campaign staffers and security. There is a light crowd. People in the foreground becoming suddenly aware that something's happening, that someone famous is nearby. The cameraman is now yelling: "Governor! Governor! Governor! Governor! Governor! Governor! Governor!" The picture begins shaking again, presumably from this guy waving or jumping or both.
Excerpted from The Nixby Nathan Hill. Copyright © 2016 by Nathan Hill. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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