"I see the awakening of consciousness as a series of spaced flashes, with the intervals between them gradually diminishing until bright blocks of perception are formed, affording memory and a slippery hold." Vladimir Nabokov, 'Speak, Memory'. I had been reading this in memory of a dear friend who died in her sleep in late September. His language is sensual, lush and inviting. I want to look at butterflies and let me senses evoke memories.

After finishing rereading 'Speak, Memory' and listening to it as well, I picked up Ruta's lyrical memoir. I wanted my friend. I wanted to read her passages and share my wonder. "We're lonesome. That's all. There isn't a word in the English language more beautiful than lonesome…the whole world could be contained in that single word."

Her book is an elegant and rich evocation of a life lived in all its grandeur; her love, her hate, her anger and what might be termed the full catastrophe. I was delighted to read of her adventure at Nablov's birthplace in St. Petersburg; to be reminded of his dogs. In her memoir, there is compassion, humor, sadness sorrow and self-inflected pain. Ultimately, she creates herself, one step at a time.

As I have been reading it, I have told all my dog waiting friends to read it. I have quoted passages. We need books and stories that affect us like a disaster, that grieve us deeply as the death of a close friend. With or without you does that. After finishing the last pages, I started rereading it.

This was an outstanding book. It covers a story of an ethnic Chinese gentleman in Vietnam beginning his joining his father during WWII until the victory of the north Vietnamese in 1978. Percival, his English name given to him in Hong Kong focuses on making money, ignoring what is happening to all those around him. We are given information from Percival and only slowly come to realize what he ignores and misses until it is too late and the consequences are earth shattering. Written with empathy and excellent about the immigrant experience and acculturation and often the lack of such it is a masterpiece. For Americans who lived through these times, it forces one to yet again re-examine assumptions about American intentions, behaviors and responsibilities. These questions remain given the recent participation in Iraq and Afghanistan. Dr. Lam's novel is excellent, troubling and ends without resolution. I encourage everyone to read it.