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Cynthia
Something Like Beautiful
I approached this story with great curiosity - I have often wondered about what type of woman would marry an incarcerated felon. I thought that perhaps this book would provide some insight as to what drew her to this person and situation that, to me, was like playing with fire. So I had a very open and eager mind to reading her story. At the end – I cannot say that I am disappointed even though my original question went basically unanswered – but what I didn’t expect what that during the journey of Bandele’s story, more questions arose and were answered to in a beautiful and honest approach to herself with regard to her daughter (and future) as well as to her past. This is a story of one woman’s survival and endurance and I applaud that approach. Where I had a problem, is where she reigned in all of the other single mothers “out there” as sharing in her story and struggle. In a nutshell – eh, no. Not even close.
Lynette_P
Something Like Beautiful
Over all I found Asha Bandele’s Something Like Beautiful to be an engrossing story. I liked reading about what happened to her, and how these events made her feel; I sympathized 98% with the author, even as I wished she had made other choices; and I loved meeting her precious, precocious daughter. The message was uplifting as the book ended, and I can imagine this work will be a boon to other single parents, especially women.
Although the author never made the point in so many words that children of single parents are often, of necessity, more mature than other kids of their ages, I do believe this to be true. The relationship this mother and daughter have is truly a beautiful thing, and I think Bandele fails to give herself enough credit for this fact. On the other hand, one wonders about down the road, how difficult it may be for them to separate in the normal, healthy way of all kids and their mothers. It’s a poignant fact of life for just such families that growing up to be independent may be more problematic for children like Bandele’s daughter and for the parents, also, that cleaving may be particularly painful. In other words, I believe this book is an important sociological portrait, given the prevalence of single mothers.
I have only one reservation about Something Like Beautiful, which may not even be fair, considering that the book I read was not the final edition. And this is that, despite the fact that Bandele has won awards as an author, I found her language to be vague and/or ambiguous in numerous places. I am not talking about typos or repetitions of words, or misspellings. Instead I found pronouns whose antecedents were not clear, or sentences such as the following, which I found by opening the book at random: “ ... we revealed ourselves to ourselves wholly ...” rather than “... we revealed ourselves to each other wholly ...” and instead of “After five years ... we did what most people who are in love are want -- and able -- to do,” I certainly hope she meant to say “are wont ... to do.” OK, the latter may have been an editorial error, but there were many, many sentences that I had to read several times in order to find the meaning in them. Here’s an example of an awkward sentence (the last one): “You can still make it out,... but you have to squint. And even then, blurs.” Does she mean, “And even then it blurs” or “And even then, you see a blur”? Sometimes I chalked up the ambiguity to her being a poet, but I usually enjoy reading the prose of poets, so maybe it’s just that the work is still in need of a firm editorial hand. (I suppose that editing one’s own writing is different from editing that of another, since the author has also worked as an editor.)
Despite the foregoing paragraph, I found Something Like Beautiful, by Asha Bandele, to be well worth the reading.
Sylvia
Overexamined life
The unexamined life may not be worth living but this over-examined life is not worth reading. While much of the writing is lyrical, this overly repetitious and often overly romanticized story of Bandele's love life and motherhood is muddied and dull. This is her 3rd or 4th memoir and I would suggest she moves to fiction.
Lisa
Something Like Beautiful
The subtitle of the book, One Single Mother's Story described her life as a Black woman poet after marrying a prisoner, having his baby, moving on with her life and finally realizing that she suffered from post traumatic stress disorder and depression, things she thinks afflict many Black women. She did not really develop her relationship with Rashid which lasted 10 years and glossed over his deportation with very little emotion or explanation. She described herself as a survivor and called her daughter Nisa the evidence, her reason for living. asha (spelled with a small letter for unknown reasons) says she is the story of many single Black mothers but I think she was different in that she was blessed with education, a loving family and a great job. I found it difficult to generalize her life to single mothers who have not been that lucky.
Kat
Cliche
The author knew all the right things to say and share. But in spite of her assertions that she didn't want to be a victim, that's exactly the impression I got from her. When she speaks of acknowledging the "truth" she seems to hedge her life decisions under the umbrella of being adopted, being sexually abused as a child, being physically abused as an adult, being a single black mother, etc, etc. To me, this was further evidenced with all the statistics, facts and figures quoted. While I can understand how any one of this events could screw with your head, the author was trying to convince me she was past it all. I didn't buy it. Also I feel she is unconsciously putting an awful lot of pressure on her daughter to "save" her. The fact is, in the end, we must each be our own salvation.
Sandy
Something Like Beautiful
I struggled through the first half of this memoir. Going in, I had hoped, most of all, to gain an understanding of why the author made the choice to marry a prisoner. Unfortunately, the story with Rashid is never fully developed, leaving the reader (or me, anyway) unsympathetic about her plight. In fact, I found myself more frustrated with the author than anything. Despite the fact that she comes from a supportive family, with a good education and a great job, the author seems to blame all of her troubles on being a woman of color. The second half of the book, however, is significantly better, as Bandele details her downward spiral into severe depression and the struggle to find herself again. I will likely recommend this book to a friend who is battling depression; however, tell her to skip the first half.
Cheri
Single mothers might want to stone her
If you are looking for a book about a strong woman who sacrificed everything to take care of her daughter alone... this is not the book for you. If you are a single mother and looking for a person to relate to that has struggled like you have and survived.. this is not the book for you.
If you are looking for a book about a whiny victim who put her own self into this position and wants to use the race and sexism card and act like she is the only one who has ever raised a child.. then sure waste a few days. I AM a single mother and I can say I have never wanted to slap a person more then this person. I have struggled to raise my child because raising a child is a struggle. Things have not been easier for me because I am white. Things have not come more easily because I have a boy.
Have I looked at my child and thought what if... yeah of course. But I didn't need loads of therapy to be reminded to pull up my big girl panties and just deal with it. She created the shark pit she was in ... and just sitting still isn't going to save her!!!
Lesley
Something Like Beautiful
This book never engaged me. Usually, within the first few chapters of a book, I want to read more or never put the book down. Not so with "Something Like Beautiful". The writing trailed on without direction and seemed repetitive at times when describing the author's life and feelings. I wouldn't recommend this book.
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